"There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it." - Dennis Miller
Oh boy, here we go again. Sony Pictures has just rolled out the latest trailer for the, ahem, summer "thriller" "The Shallows." But, before I leap upon the soapbox and proceed to shred this film, I will start positive. If you're a fan of "Sharknado," it looks like you'll love "The Shallows." There, happy? Now, let there be blood in the water and we may need a bigger blog.
"Deep breaths are very helpful at shallow parties." - Barbara Walters
I'm a fan of Blake Lively. I thought "Age of Adeline" was a very underrated flim and she was terrific. But I'm afraid she has caught the bug that once infested her hubby, Ryan Reynolds. Yep... "The Shallows" will be her "Green Lantern." If you watch the latest trailer (which I did via The Hollywood Reporter) you may feel as I did -- that it's 2:33 of my life I can never have back. Let's start with the "bite" on her leg. If this shark, presumably a Great White, is as large as it's comically depicted via computer generation, the animal would have shredded her leg at minimum or torn it OFF at most. The "wound" on her leg is a joke. And the hits just keep on coming when you get to watch ol' sharky attack two other surfers... in shallow water... from underneath. Ahem.
"I'm just shocked at how blatantly shallow people are sometimes." - Michael Keaton
Okay, I'm NOT Batman, but thanks to the White Shark Research Center, the Atlantic White Shark Conservancy, books by Ralph Collier & Peter Benchley, and Shark Week, I like to think I know a little about these apex predators. As I blogged about before, I fear "The Shallows" may do what "Jaws" did for sharks -- no favors. The aforementioned Benchley said before his death, he regretted "Jaws" for the senseless slaughter it caused. Folks, thanks to finning and general stupidity, sharks are in danger -- from HUMANS. Here are a few facts for you -- most shark attacks are cases of mistaken identity. They are "exploratory" bites -- meaning it takes a bite, realizes this is NOT is food, and does not bite more. As far as attacks - most happen in 3-5 feet of water about 10-15 feet from shore. There are always exceptions, of course. But when your natural swimming mimics a fish in distress and you freely go into the domain of an apex predator that dates back centuries, you are NOT in control. Of course, you have a better chance of being struck by lightning - twice - while you're winning the lottery than of ever being attacked by a shark. "Fish are Friends, not Food." - MO